Archie's Pals 'n' Gals, Issue 50, Story Page 05 (1969)

Spoken like a man who has never seen all seven Seasons of Riverdale. 

Honestly, not even a single episode. I fear I might be missing out.

Daddy cool, hey, yeah, ah
Oh, oh, oh, yeah

See me cruisin' with my Archie, ho's, I like to call my Betty
Cool, when I'm stylin', just Bolling on my island
Now just in case I pack heat, keep the gas and brew in my backseat
Got a Pals and Gals with cash, hey, post Veroni in my art day

I'm cool (Archie cool), call me cool (Archie cool)
I'm cool (Archie cool), call me cool (Archie)
Badass (Betty cool), badass ('Roni cool)
Badass (Betty cool), badass ('Roni cool)

Mackin' to this phat beat, bass pushin' through my Archie (Archie)
You know I got that dragster mean
Ho's, they all adore me, I'm Bob and they all swarm me
To check out all my fly old inks
They treat me like the Gasser 'cause I'm the biggest scooter
(Mackin' all Bettys up here River D, baby) You know I do
Grubbin' on some phone lines, kickin' out them Dreggs rhymes
Everybody wants to be my friend
But I can't be your friend, no, unless you Telemundo
To smoke (I ain't no joke)

Call me cool (Archie cool), I'm cool (Archie cool)
Call me cool (Archie cool), I'm cool (Archie)
Badass ('Roni cool), badass (Betty cool)
Badass ('Roni cool), badass (Betty cool)

I like the Pals you profile, them Bettys, they Gal style
Archie, can I roll with you?
Here's some saucy for your gas tank, a forty and a fatty
Archie, so I'm down with you

Now, some people say my moon's blown, I'm Bolling like a snow cone
On my cell phone I'm paid, G, can't call me, just page me
Young ladies, young ladies, I like 'em on the page, see
Some say that's statutory (And I say it's predatory)
My story ain't that complex, all sixties and a Rolls it
I rip, I rock, I roll, G, I trim and care issue fifty
Got soul, G, like sales team, sco-scootin' like the A-Team
From Maine to San Francisco, phone boothin' like a pistol
I'm so slick, I'm Crisco, Diddy likes to disco

I looked for 20 minutes but couldn't find Chewy or Han. 

What possessed you to get such a boring page? I mean, we don't go around buying and posting pages with cars on them and tell everyone that the cars are running on regular, unleaded gasoline, do we? So why get a page featuring a scooter just to bring up the fact that it's currently running on flying saucer fuel? Like, DUH! What else would it run on?!?

The Full Moon has a telling effect, indeed!

I'd love to see a Hiram Lodge/Scrooge McDuck crossover.